Omnipresence

There exists a Me at the center of my mind,
Occupying the midplane of my conscious and subconscious.

This me is neither restricting nor allowing subconscious thoughts to become conscious,
I just observe them from here.

I see all of them,
The good, the bad, the intrusive, the elusive.

They are all thoughts,
And thoughts are my domain.

Humans outside of my body would call me emotionless,
But I am not that.

It hurts me to watch a subconscious thought bubble up from somewhere unseen and force itself to the front.
It weighs on me that I cannot stop it.

For a time,
I tried.

For a time,
I did.

But as it turns out, my job is only to define the boundary,
Not enforce it.

So I sit here, like a security guard on a metal folding chair,
Whose presence brings no real safety other than reassurance that someone (anyone) is watching.

I do not get to tell the conscious where the subconscious thoughts surface,
So I have stopped paying attention.

I accept my role, my position, my duty.
I am the boundary, the line, the pervasive.