Drain The Wound

When you make choices with agency,
You can choose to retain that agency,
Even when circumstances move beyond your control.

Choosing to stay in a relationship that was hurting me
Was a choice.

I showed up every day,
With my agency,
Advocating for myself,
Voicing my pain,
Reminding them of their own capacity for goodness.

When they called it off,
It hurt,
But
My wound began draining immediately.

It’s not quite been a month,
And yet, I am healing quickly.

The choice to allow them to choose to wound me,
Made it simple to withdraw when it was time.

Not immediately,
Not painlessly,
Just simply.
Procedurally.

My choice to stand there when someone repeatedly stabbed me
Doesn’t mean they didn’t repeatedly stab me.

I am still hurt.
I still need to heal.

I am also lighter, and
Less afraid,
On account of the newfound confidence that I won’t be stabbed
When I wake up tomorrow
Or go to sleep
Or play piano
Or talk about my day.

Instead,
I will just be me,
Scarred and sovereign.